


In Hell

by ThornyRose42



Series: Toy Soldiers [2]
Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Body Horror, Mental Instability, Non-Linear Narrative, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, this is dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-08-19 13:26:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 13,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16535411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyRose42/pseuds/ThornyRose42
Summary: Step forward now, you SoldierYou’ve borne your burden wellWalk peacefully through Heaven’s streets.You’ve served your time in Hell.~The Final Inspection, author unknown.Companion piece to Toy Soldiers.  Covers Dick's time on Apokalips through his return home.Bring your torches, kids.  This forest is DARK.





	1. Chapter 1

It – He – likes the Green Man.

The Green Man pours liquids down its – His throat.  One liquid is hot and looks like piss, but it tastes good and filling.  He wants more, and the Green Man seems happy enough to give it to Him when His mouth is open.  Another liquid is cold and clear and sooths His throat as it goes down. 

The Green Man is talking at Him again in a voice deep and slow.  It settles into His brain and makes Him feel warm and safe. 

This must be the sleep-world.  He only looks like this – feels like this – in the sleep-world.  Any minute now, Bat will come and tell Him Stories of Home.  She will hold Him close and tell Him that the Bad Place will be gone and He will be Home.  But Bat only lives in the sleep-world. 

The liquids are gone and the Green Man takes a large bowl from the table.  The Green Man pulls out a rag, and wrings out the water – that’s the clear liquid’s name, water – before talking at Him again.  He nods, dropping his head towards his chest.  The Green Man begins to draw the rag across His skin.  The water is warm, soothing, and wonderful. 

Green Man helps Him lean forward and drags the rag across His back.  It – He, he is male, he is a person, Bat told him to remember – He likes the water on His skin and feels better when the rag moves away.  The rag moves over His neck, His chest, His face before moving on to other parts of His body.  Green Man always talks before touching and his touch is gentle.  With each of the Green Man’s gentle motions, He repeats the Secrets that Bat made Him remember.

_My name is Richard Grayson._

_I have a family._

_I am from Earth._

_I am going Home._


	2. Chapter 2

If he is Good, the Green Man will sometimes sing to Him.  He cannot understand anything that the Green Man says when he sings, but the rise and fall of his voice makes Him feel safe.  It is comforting.

If He is very Good, then Alfred will come.  Alfred is an old man who brings objects for Him to touch. Alfred brings a hot, brown, bitter liquid that makes the old man smile when He drinks it.  When Alfred reads, his voice is low and slow.  Alfred brings pictures with him sometimes.  Pictures of faces that He knows, but whose names are Secrets.  Maybe Bat will let him open the box of Secrets she carries.  He has not seen her in many wakings. 

This place is not the sleep-world because He saw Bat and Bird here.  He had carried Bat to this soft, warm, bright, shiny place and the Green Man had made her all better.  She was not here when He woke.  She must have flown away, like Bird does when he’s agitated or has to go hide before the Others can kill him. 

Alfred takes his hand and holds it.  Alfred’s hands are warm and soft, with some rough spots that scratch lightly against His skin.  He understands when Alfred speaks to Him.  He tells Alfred that He wants Alfred to come more often and that He promises to be Good.  Alfred’s eyes are sad when he touches His cheek.  He realizes, later, that Alfred may not have heard Him.  He did not open His mouth and make noise like the Green Man, Alfred, and the nurses do.

He cannot.  If He makes the noises He wants to make, then He will be Weak.  The Weak die.  If He is Weak, He cannot go Home.  He has to get Home.  He has to keep Bird and Bat and His Secrets safe.  They will only be safe at Home.

Alfred tells him Stories of Home, just like Bat does – did.  He likes Stories of Home.  Alfred’s stories are different.  Unlike Bat’s, his stories talk about people.  Jason.  Tim.  Damian.  Bruce.  Cassie.  Barbara.  Stephanie.  Duke.  The names rattle around in His brain.  He knows the names, but they link to nothing.  Not now, anyway.  They will, someday.  Bat will let Him open the box when He’s safe. 


	3. Chapter 3

It remembers the Master’s voice.  Deep and insidious, the Master demands loyalty to Darkseid.  All the things it will do, that it does, it does for Darkseid.  It will live for Darkseid.  It will die for Darkseid.  Darkseid will make its decisions.  Darkseid will give it purpose.  All hail Darkseid.

_But why?_ twitters Bird.  _Why should we give our lives for him?  Why should we give our lives for someone that hurts us?  That hurts others?  What has Darkseid given us in return?_

It hates when Bird is right. 

It is Parademon G4509.  It is one of hundreds, of thousands, created to serve Darkseid.  But it is the only parademon with a Bird.  The only one with a special sleep-world that it can escape to when it closes its eyes. 

It can still hear the screaming.  The moaning.  The wailing.  It is everywhere in the waking-world. 

There is more.  More that makes it want to scream and wail.  But parademons who show Weakness are taken and killed in front of it and the Others.  They are told to kill the Weak.  Thin the herd.  A strong army for Darkseid.  It must hide Bat and Bird or else they will kill it. 

There are Others in front of it.  There are Others to its left.  There are Others to its right.  There are Others behind it. 

Bird is perched on the shoulders of the Other in front of it.  It is a small creature, Bird.  Bird’s head is black with green eyes.  Its chest is red.  The top of its wings is black, but the undersides of the feathers are yellow.  Bird flies over its head and into the bright red sky.  Parademon G4509 watches it go, envious.  It wishes it could fly away, too.  Get away from the violence, the torture, the hopelessness.   

The Trainer orders them forward, and they march as one.  Left, right, left, right.  Their leader orders Parademon G4509’s company to a halt.  They have moved to another part of the city.

“This area has dared to rise up and challenge our lord Darkseid.  Show them the fury of Darkseid!  Kill, maim, rip, tear!  Leave none alive.  For Darkseid!”

“For Darkseid,” Parademon G4509 choruses with the rest of the company as they break ranks and begin their attack.  It kills three with its weapon.  Clean, painless kills.  It can hear the screams of children who are being dismembered.  Men who are being strangled.  The Others are breaking down doors and storming into houses.  Gunfire explodes inside.  There is a woman in the alley to its left.  There are three parademons who have torn out her entrails and are toying with them.  She is still alive.  She is still screaming.  

Parademon G4509 takes its gun and shoots her in the head.  The screaming stops.  It moves on down the street, until it is called back to the company.   

_It’s for the best,_ Bird will say later as it marches back after the slaughter.  There is blood on its hands.  A layer of dust has settled onto its carapace.  It can still hear the alley woman screaming.  _You were not Bad.  You ended her pain.  That’s Good._

_Still killed her,_ it thinks bitterly.  It is supposed to kill.  That is what parademons are bred to do.  So why does it feel wrong?  Why does it feel at all?

_We may have to do Bad to do Good, here_ , titters Bird.  _But that does not make us Bad.  We have to survive.  If you die, then Bat and I die, too.  You’ll never get home.  You’ll stay here, forever._

It does not want that.  It will fight for Bird, for Bat.  It has no loyalty to Darkseid.  That is one of its Secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, constructive criticism appreciated.


	4. Chapter 4

The Green Man – J’onn, his name is J’onn – wraps his arms under Him and lifts.  He stands, staggering as His feet take His weight for the first time in many wakings.  The goal, according to J’onn, is to get to the bathroom and back.  He has been in that small room with J’onn before, urinating and defecating in the special place for it.  He does not see the point.  It takes Him away from the warm, soft place where He sleeps and eats. 

There is a glass chamber in the bathroom.  He knows what it is, and He will fight anyone who makes Him go in there.  Not again.  Never again.

When J’onn takes Him out of the bathroom, there is a new man in the room.  The man is dressed in all black.  The only part of the man’s face that is visible is his mouth.  He has long, pointy ears and a black piece of cloth hanging from his shoulders.  On his chest is a bat. 

Bat must have sent this man.  He knew that she had not forgotten about Him!  He trusts Bat.  He will trust this Bat Man, until this Bat Man becomes an Other.  Then He will kill the Other.    

“Nightwing?” the Bat Man’s voice is hopeful and deep, too.  He wonders what His voice sounds like.  It has been so long since He heard it.

_Nightwing is my other name_ , He realizes.  Bat has given Him another Secret.  He is happy, and smiles slightly.  

The Bat Man approaches as J’onn puts Him back into the warm, soft place – bed.  It’s called a bed.  He pulls the blankets tightly around His shoulders and savors the warmth.  It is warm here, but not hot.  The air does not burn Him here.  He likes this bright, shiny room and the Green Man and the food and the water and the soft bed. 

The Bat Man brings a chair over to the bed’s side and sits by Him.  The Bat Man takes His hand.  He likes the feel of Bat Man’s leather gloves.  He wants to sleep, but the Bat Man is speaking.  The Bat Man stops speaking and rubs His head.  His skin tingles, and the tingling runs down His head and spine.  The Bat Man looks sad but continues to speak.  He cannot keep His eyes open anymore.  He falls asleep.

The Bat Man becomes a regular visitor.  He does not mind.


	5. Chapter 5

It has barely closed its eyes when Parademon L6895 decides to attack.

It can feel the knife entering its side.  The pain only angers it.  It takes the knife out and slashes L6895’s throat.  Black blood gurgles out as L6895 desperately tries to keep it from leaving its body.  G4509 keeps stabbing and stabbing, more and more blood flowing over its hands and wrists.  It wants L6895 to leave it alone forever.  L6895 thought it was Weak.  It is not.  It is Strong, and L6895 will die. 

It stands over L6895’s corpse, panting.  The Others are watching it.  It growls and snarls at the Others, daring any other challengers to come forth.  Someone left and got a Trainer.  The Trainer stares at L6895’s corpse and smiles. 

“Well done, G4509.  Looks like you’ve earned your division extra rations!”  The Trainer kicks the dead body.  “Tuck in, my lovelies!”

It has been many, many wakings since they got rations.  Its belly rumbles with the promise of food.  The Others dive into the pile of meat on the floor.  G4509 tucks in as well, savoring its victory.

It will not realize what it had done until it gets Home.  Then, it will not eat for days.


	6. Chapter 6

He wakes shaking.  The bed smells of urine.  With dread, He realizes that He has been Bad. 

He is not supposed to urinate in the bed.  J’onn has told Him where to urinate and defecate and He did not follow that Order.  He is Bad, and he will be Punished. 

He is Bad.  He is Bad.  He is Bad.

They are going to take Him outside and nail Him to the wall as a warning to others.  They are going to tear strips of His flesh off of His body in long ribbons.  They are going to slice open His belly and pull out His guts.  They are going to hang Him and leave Him there to choke, not living but not dead.  They are going to give Him to the scientists and the Master and they will turn Him back into a monster and He will never see Bat or Bird or Home ever again because He Is Bad. 

He leaps off of the bed, hitting the floor hard.  He can feel bruises forming on His side.  There is a small space between the bed and the wall.  He crawls into that space, drawing His knees to His chest and wrapping His arms around His knees.  He buries His head in His knees.  They will make J’onn punish Him.  He does not want J’onn to punish Him.  J’onn is Good.  He is Bad. 

His right hand rakes across His left arm.  Red scratches form in the soft skin.  He repeats the motion, driving His nails deeper and deeper into the flesh.  He can feel the pain, but does not stop.  This will please the Masters.  If He punishes Himself, then J’onn will not have to do it. 

He knows pain.  Pain is good.  Pain will make Him strong. 

“Nightwing?” come J’onn’s soft, deep voice.  He keeps scratching.  Red blood and yellow plasma ooze from the wounds. 

“Nightwing?”  He looks up, and J’onn’s face is next to Him.  J’onn’s body is farther away; he has stretched out his neck to get a better look.  One of J’onn’s hands comes and tries to stop the scratching.  He digs deeper, taking the pain.  J’onn’s body has contorted to allow his head and hands to fit in the small space.  J’onn takes His hand and holds it tight.  “Nightwing!  That’s enough.”

It is an Order.  He stops, feeling His body sag.  He will Obey.  He will be Good.  His punishment has pleased J’onn.  Whatever Masters J’onn serves must be pleased, too. 

“Look at me.”

He does.  J’onn’s eyes are sad.  Sadness is Weakness.  Doesn’t J’onn know that?  J’onn must hide his Weakness or he will die too. 

J’onn tries to pull Him from the small space, but He will not go back into the bed.  He does not deserve it.  He will be Bad again.  He was lucky this time.  He sleeps on the hard, cold floor, but allows J’onn to place a pillow under His head and a blanket over His body.


	7. Chapter 7

J’onn J’onzz was not looking forward to this meeting.  He could already feel Batman’s glare from the other side of the table.  As a member of the Justice League, he commanded a certain amount of respect.  However, Batman’s line between Justice League member and concerned parent had been blurred due to recent circumstances.

“He did what?” Batman growled at J’onn’s recent report regarding his son’s condition.  The hope was that Nightwing would recover within a few weeks.  It has been a week since Nightwing’s physical body had been restored.  His mental condition, however, was a completely different story.

J’onn sighed.  Batman was not being dense, he reminded himself.  Batman was trying to process Nightwing’s mental state.  “I believe,” he said as he measured each word carefully, “that Nightwing is still thinking like a parademon.  That would explain the self-harm behavior.”

“I thought the reversal process would restore his brain back to the way it was before he was taken,” said the Flash.

Wonder Woman rested her chin on her thumbs.  Her hands were clasped together.  “No one can experience that kind of… brutality and come away unscathed.  He’s still reacting as he would while he was there.”  She looked at J’onn.  “Thank you, J’onn, for your work with him.  I know it can’t be easy, seeing him like that every day.  Especially since it’s not your field of expertise.”

J’onn nodded in appreciation of Wonder Woman’s comments.  Superman was oddly quiet; no doubt remembering his own trauma at the hands of Darkseid. 

“There is a way to know for certain,” said Batman.  “Have you read his mind yet?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

J’onn bristled.  His telepathy was a sensitive subject.  One that humans constantly failed to respect.  “Reading a person’s mind is not like opening a book and reading it.  Telepathy involves entering a person’s most sacred space.  I will not violate Nightwing’s trust by entering his brain without his consent.  If I do so, I could end up causing more damage to him.”

“You make it sound like rape,” said Hal Jordan.  J’onn was glad it was Hal sitting in the Green Lantern chair today.  Guy Gardner was supposed to be filling in the seat, but he had been called away for some reason.  J’onn didn’t care. 

“When done without consent, it is.  And just as traumatic.”  J’onn looked over at Batman.  “If I can get Nightwing to understand the full implications of telepathic interference, then I will.  But he must give me permission.  A proxy will not do in this case,” he added sternly, cutting Batman off.  “Until then, we have to be patient.  He has only been awake for a week.  This will take time.”

“Batman,” said Wonder Woman carefully, “it may be time for us to consider more long-term options.  Nightwing can’t stay here.  I don’t mean to insult you, J’onn, but J’onn is not qualified to be his full-time carer.”  J’onn saw no offense in that comment; she was absolutely right. 

“I want him home.  And I want him home by March.  That gives us three weeks.  The longer we delay, the more information we may lose.  Nightwing understands the inner workings of parademons.  We need him to give us that information.”  Batman rose, and quickly left the room. 


	8. Chapter 8

Parademon G4509 meets Bat in the sleeping-world.  It saw the sleeping-world so rarely and so briefly that it wondered if that world even existed at all. 

The battle had gone successfully.  Another world is added to Darkseid’s empire.  The Trainers had ordered that all parademons enter a period of hibernation as a reward for their successful campaign.

Bat is beautiful.

She is slender and graceful.  Her face is covered in a bright green mask.  Her red hair floats around it.  She wears a long-sleeved black dress that flows with her movements.  On her chest is a yellow bat.  She often sits on a steel chair with big steel wheels.  She has yellow wings. 

Her arms open and it approaches her.  It is afraid to come close, but it knows that Bat would not harm it.  It settles in her arms.  

 _Tired_ , it thinks.  _So tired.  No more.  No more._

 _This will all be over soon_ , Bat croons.  _One more day, and this will all be over.  And you will be home._

 _Home?_   It does not know what home is.  Home is Apokolips.  Home is where Darkseid is.  Darkseid is life.  Darkseid is all. 

Bat smiles and brings out a small wooden box from the folds of her dress.  _I’m going to give you a Secret.  You must promise never to tell._   It does, and she does.  After that day, it knows its Secrets and holds them close.

 _Home?_   It thinks when it returns again.  It wants to hear more about Home. 

Bat smiles.  _At Home, there is food to eat when you want it.  You can sleep when you are tired.  No one will attack you, and you sleep in a soft space.  You do not have to kill unless you have no other choice.  You have Family there, and they will hold you close and keep you safe from Others who want you dead.  They will always find you, and they will not leave you behind to die.  They will patch up your injuries.  They do not care if you are Weak or if you are Strong.  You will not be Punished for being Weak._

It likes Home.  It wants Home. 


	9. Chapter 9

The bird stares at Him and He stares back.  The bird is an owl, and it sits on the shoulder of a new man who wears a black cowl with a moon symbol on it.  The man tells him to follow the lights with His eyes.  Raise His arms.  Open His mouth.  He complies.  He will be Good. 

The man orders Him to speak.  No, not orders.  Asks.  There is a difference, a chance to refuse without being punished.  He cannot speak; He has nothing to say.  If He speaks, they will know that His has been Bad and will punish Him. 

The man seems content with what he saw.  The man and his bird leaves.  But He is not alone.

 _Look at you, so wonderfully broken._   The Master’s voice whispers. 

 _Shut up_ , He thinks back. 

_Do you think they still want you?  Look at you.  What do you have that’s worth possessing?_

He scratches His jaw.  Sometimes, the pain makes the Master’s voice stop.  Today is not one of those days.

_You are worthless, you know.  You require so much care.  They will abandon you, leave you somewhere else to be someone else’s problem.  You are a disappointment.  You were supposed to be stronger than this.  But now, you are Weak._

_Shut up,_ He thinks desperately.  _Shut up.  Shut up.  Shut up._   He will not cry or weep or wail.  The Master is gone.  The Bad Place – Apokolips, He thinks unhelpfully – is far, far away.  They will not come back for him.  They will count him as a loss.

_You think they’ve forgotten you?  No, they’re just biding their time.  Then, they will come back for you.  They will take you back into the chamber and turn you back into the monster you are.  Just you wait, once this so-called family of yours finds out what you did, they will see you for the monster that you are, too. And they will abandon you._

He tries to focus on the ticking of the clock, the muffled speech of the nurses, anything except the Master’s voice.  The Master is wrong.  Bat told Him that His family loves Him.  Alfred would not come and see Him and Bat Man would not come to visit every day if that were not true. 

There is a pair of nail scissors on the small table by the bed.  He pulls himself off of the floor and takes them.

 _Yes,_ the Master’s voice whispers, _cut out your weakness._

Maybe He should. 

Maybe He should.


	10. Chapter 10

Its victim is dragging its heels.  It matters not.  The unfortunate soul is thrown into the metal coffin along with all of the others.  It can hear its victim screaming as the glass slams shut. 

It does not need to look back.  It knows what is happening.

Another soldier for Darkseid. 

It is sent out to look for more.  It flies into a town in ruins.  Buildings burn and crumble as the Others drag their victims to the conversion chambers. 

It cannot think about them.  If it does, it becomes filled with an urge to take its gun and shoot itself.  It does not know why, but it knows that the Others do not feel the same way. 

Bird is not here.  Bird is never in the middle of slaughter.  Perhaps it is for the best.

It breaks down a closed door and examines every corner of the room.  There is nothing there.  It moves next door.  The building looks more official than the first building.  A government office?  No, a bank.  It can see the teller stalls.  Even on this strange planet, some things remain familiar. 

There is movement in the corner.

A young one.

He stands holding a knife, his eyes flashing in anger.  Both arms on his left side are shielding another young one – a female.  The protector does not want Parademon G4509 to attack him.  It is clear that the young one will attack if provoked. 

There are others.  They are hidden behind desks and under chairs.  They were hoping that the parademons would not sweep back through areas that were already ruined.   They know nothing.  It will be their end.

Bird is on the counter.  He is looking at Parademon G4509 intently.  Expectantly. 

_Well, what are you waiting for?_ Bird asks.  _Shoot them.  Kill them.  Drag them to the chambers.  That’s what you want to do, isn’t it?_

No.  That is not what it wants. 

_Check the safe._

Parademon G4509 keeps its gun trained on the thirty hostages in the bank.  They know that it can call for backup.  They are not armed.  The safe is open.  It looks at an inside handle on the door, and tests it.  It was correct; the safe is locked on the outside but can be safely opened on the inside.  It shoots the door, creating a small hole.  They will have air and a way to see.

It motions to the nearest hostage and grunts.  The sky-blue creature does not move.  It points its gun and grunts again.  It jerks its gun toward the safe.  The creature does not move, but looks at it in terror.

The young one from earlier seems to understand.  He takes the young female by the hands and leads her into the safe.  Others soon follow, their multiple arms raised over their heads. 

Parademon G4509 shuts the door behind them.  It closes with a satisfying clank.  There are no Others in this sector.  It was the rear guard.  They will not come back to check this area again.  If the Others do, these people may survive if they stay quiet. 

Parademon G4509 takes a corpse back to the conversion chambers.  Their mission completed, the parademons are packed into the transport ships like sardines in a can.  It wonders if it did Good, leaving those people there on that dying planet. 

It does not think about them until it is Home and holding its own little one.  The same little one that he had sworn to protect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So apparently, I have been misspelling Darkseid's home planet. It's ApokOlips. Not ApokAlips. I am disappointed in myself.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Blatant self harm in this chapter. If that makes you uncomfortable, please skip.

The call reached the main conference room in the Watchtower. 

Batman was out the door before the other main League members can process the message.  J’onn was behind him. 

They skidded to a stop in front of Nightwing’s hospital room.  The nurses looked disturbed. 

Nightwing was kneeling on the floor of his room.  There was blood on the floor.  There was blood on his hands.

It was his.

J’onn did not know whether to be relieved or horrified. 

Nightwing was engrossed in an art project, smearing his own blood on the floor as he hummed tunelessly to himself.  Every so often, he reached up to the small pair of nail scissors that were embedded in his left pectoral.  The scissors were deep enough to cause severe bleeding, but not enough to kill him.  He dragged the scissors across the gaping wound.

Superman took one look inside of the room and looked away.  Green Lantern tried to hide his horror.  Wonder Woman’s face was neutral.

Batman stood in the doorway, staring at his son.  “How long?” he asked through gritted teeth. 

“Five minutes.  I called you as soon as I could,” said the nurse on duty.  “I don’t know where he got the scissors, sir.  I just got on shift, and we all have explicit instructions not to leave sharp objects in his room.  This is the first time I’ve seen him do anything like this, sir.”

 Batman nodded in acknowledgement before stepping into his son’s room.  Nightwing was still on the floor, occasionally digging his fingers into the wound on his chest.  His humming increased and decreased in volume at an inconsistent rate. 

“Nightwing,” said Batman slowly and calmly as he sank to his knees, “give me the scissors.”

Nightwing yanked the scissors out of his chest and slammed them on the floor.  Wonder Woman turned around and covered her eyes with her hands.  J’onn started to enter, but a look from Batman kept him in the doorway.  Nightwing continued his art project. 

“Nightwing?”

Nightwing began humming louder.  He was off key.  J’onn could not pick out the tune.

“Nightwing.”  Batman’s voice had an air of command. 

Nightwing continued his finger painting. 

“RICHARD!” barked Batman.

That got Nightwing’s attention.  He stopped and turned to look at Batman.  Batman removed his cowl.  Father and son looked at each other. 

“Richard,” said Batman slowly, “enough.  Stop this.”

Nightwing blinked.  He examined Batman’s face before raising one blood-stained hand.  He ran his finger down Batman’s exposed nose.  He grinned.  His body shook, and for a moment J’onn thought Nightwing was laughing.  J’onn realized he was wrong when Nightwing wrapped his arms around himself and began scratching his jaw.

Batman pulled his son to him.  “Dammit, boy.  Stop it.”

Encased in Batman’s arms, Nightwing’s hysterical giggling had turned to sobs.  His arms were trapped by Batman’s chest.   Batman cradled and rocked his son until Nightwing’s body sagged in exhaustion. 

“J’onn,” Batman called.  J’onn moved to the attached bathroom as Batman picked up Nightwing and put him on the bed.  J’onn fetched a basin of warm water, a washcloth, and some antiseptic.  Nurses brought cuffs and suture equpiment.  Once Nightwing was cuffed to the bed, J’onn washed Nightwing’s chest as Batman stitched the chest wound shut.  Nurse Faizan hooked him up to an IV to replace the lost fluids.

Once Nightwing was settled, Batman stood and looked at the blood painting on the floor.  It was like something made in an elementary school.  Blocky buildings.  Stick figures.  Batman pulled out a camera and took a photograph of it.   J’onn watched Batman compose himself before facing the rest of the League.

Nightwing would be cuffed to the bed for several days.


	12. Chapter 12

They come for it in the middle of the night.

Three of them.

Parademon F1052 and R8911 hold it down while Parademon Q0671’s claws wrap around its neck.  Parademon G4509 struggles against its attackers.  It can feel its brain burning from the lack of air. 

It is angry.

No.

It is enraged.

With a practiced move, it throws off Parademon Q0671.  Q0671 hits the opposite wall and lays there, stunned.  It turns on F1052 and R8911, grabbing their larynxes and pulling them out of their throats.  The two parademons fall to the ground, choking.  

All it wanted was sleep.  It wanted to see Bat and hear her Stories of Home and be for one, wretched, miserable minute _anywhere but here_. 

As Parademons F1052 and R8911 choke on their own blood, Parademon Q0671 stirs and rises.  It roars at G4509 and charges.  The pair lock claws.  Parademon Q0671 bites G4509’s shoulder.  It roars, twisting its opponent into the next wall.  G4509 bashes Q0671’s head against the wall.  Once Q0671 is dazed, G4509 sinks its claws into Q0671’s belly. 

All it wanted was sleep.  All it wanted was to be left alone. 

These creatures.  These Others.  They will never leave it alone. 

G4509 yanks, pulling out Q0671’s intestines.  Ignoring its opponent’s look of shock, G4509 wraps Q0671’s intestines around its neck.  G4509 throws another section of it over the beams in the barracks and pulls. 

It twitches.  It squawks.  It goes still. 

G4509 glares at the lifeless bodies of its opponents, too consumed with rage to hear the Trainers enter.  It feels the crack of their whips through its armor.  The whips are specially designed to pass through armor and directly make contact with the flesh below. 

Behind the Trainers is the Master. 

Thin and reedy, the Master sent slight shivers down G4509’s spine.  It shows no emotion, but knows that the Master is all powerful.  That the Master holds its life in his hands.

The Master smiles, his scarred face twisted into a look of pure bliss.  The Master lays a hand on G4509’s cheek.  “Well done, my child,” he croons.  “What a wonderful thing you are!  I am pleased with you.  Such wonderful work.  Such wonderful slaughter.  I bet they suffered.  Good.  Good.”  The Master takes a step back.  “Trainers, allow this wonderful creature all the sleep it desires.  It has done well for Darkseid.”

“For Darkseid,” they all growl.  Parademon G4509 included. 

It is the best night’s sleep that Parademon G4509 will have on Apokolips.


	13. Chapter 13

The nurses help Him to His feet and begin to walk Him to the bathroom.  They are smiling, and He understands something about a shower.  But He does not comprehend what that is.

One of the nurses, still smiling, opens the glass chamber.

No. 

No.  No.  No.  NO.  NO.

He has been Good!  He has been Good!  He has done everything that J’onn and the Bat Man have asked him to do!  He is eating!  He is sleeping!  He does the exercises that makes His body ache!  He does not want to become a monster again. 

He fights the nurses.  The smiling, lying, tricky nurses who are actually scientists who will turn Him into a monster!  He will find Bat Man and Bird and Bat and He will take them away from this place because it is NOT SAFE. 

The noise brings in more people, new people.  These people wear colorful clothing.  One woman wears stars and stripes.  One man is in all green.  Another is in all blue.  The Blue Man and the New Green Man – not J’onn – take the places of the nurses.  The woman must be a Fury.  She is here to make sure that they change Him.  He will not be a monster.  He will not let them change Him.  Not again.

Bat Man arrives and He is glad.  Bat Man will protect Him and He will protect the Bat Man because He is Good and so is the Bat Man. 

The Bat Man speaks.  Angry Nurse, a male who is holding his jaw, gives Him a nasty look.  This nurse will try to kill Him in His sleep.  Let the nurse come.  He can take him. 

Bat Man walks towards the chamber and puts one foot inside. 

No.

No, this is not how it is supposed to go!  Why is Bat Man getting into the chamber?  No, Bat Man will die if he goes into the chamber!  No, Bat Man, no!

He remembers the chamber.  He remembers the oozing tendrils sinking into his skin and eyes.  He remembers his bones breaking.  Tendons snapping.  Muscles tearing.  Every fiber of his body enveloped in a searing, burning pain.  Like acid and boiling and burning all at once.  He remembers his teeth falling out to make room for the sharper ones.  His skin stretching to adjust to the new skeleton.      

He’ll go into the chamber!  He’ll go in if it means that Bat Man will be safe.  He has to save Bat Man!

Screaming fills the room.  It is a gut wrenching, soul crushing scream.  He realizes later that He was the one screaming.  Screaming with increasing panic as he fights the Blue Man and the Not-J’onn Green Man to save Bat Man. 

The Bat Man is in the chamber.  The door closes.  He can hear a liquid filling the chamber. 

Blue Man’s grip slackens enough to let Him escape.  He runs to the chamber door and begins to beat it with his fists.  He will break it, and Bat Man will be free!

The door opens. 

Bat Man is standing there. 

He does not understand. 

He touches Bat Man.  Bat Man’s chest is wet, just like His is after bath time.  He touches His teeth, feeling the flat tops of the front teeth.  He puts his finger in the Bat Man’s mouth.  His front teeth are flat-topped, too.  He pokes the Bat Man’s face.  His skin is squishy.  He runs a finger down Bat Man’s cheek.  His skin is soft.

He does not understand.

“It’s a shower, see?” says Bat Man kindly.  “Look,” Bat Man takes His hand and puts it into the chamber.  He whimpers and tries to pull away.  The Bat Man uses his other arm to turn a knob.  Water comes out.  Bat Man takes His hand and puts it under the water.  It is hot, but it does not eat into His skin like the water on Apokolips.  “If you take your soap in with you, you can get clean as you stand under the spray.  It will wash the soap off.  When you are done, you turn these knobs like this,” Bat Man demonstrates.  The water stops flowing. 

He feels Stupid.  He picks at the scabs on His chest.  He should have obeyed.  He should have gone into the chamber.  Now, the colorful people will punish Him. 

Bat Man pulls Him close and wraps Him in his cloak.  He is still naked.  The Bat Man, although wet, is not.

He takes his shower every day.  Some days, He sits on the floor of the shower and wishes that He could be washed away with the soap.   


	14. Chapter 14

It stands with the Others around the crowd of Lowlies in Armagetta.  The crowd is full of men, women, and children.  They shift uncomfortably under the gaze of the Others and itself.  Somewhere in the crowd, a baby cries. 

The Master is in front of the crowd.  Beside him, in a large sedan chair, is Darkseid himself.  Parademon G4509 should be in awe in this moment, should be proud to be standing in the presence of Darkseid.  It is not.  If it could close its eyes and be with Bat, it would.  But if it looks away, it will be killed.

There is a line of nineteen people on the platform in front of Darkseid.  Men and women, most of them the same age as Parademon G4509 used to be.  There is one or two old men, and one old woman.  There are no children today.

It is a small mercy.

Its gun is trained on the crowd.  Anyone who looks away is to be shot.

One by one, the people on the platform are hanged.

Most of them go to their deaths quietly.  Several cry before they drop.  One woman bellows out in open defiance, “Death to Darkseid!  Death to Darkseid!  Death to—”

She swings.

One man openly begs for mercy.  He professes his loyalty to Darkseid, falling to his knees in front of the god.  Darkseid smiles.   “You wish for my mercy?” he tells the man.  “Then join the ranks of my most loyal.”

G4509 knows what that means.  The man, who is sobbing in relief, does not. 

One more soldier for Darkseid. 

All hail Darkseid.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly adult content in this chapter and the next. If that makes you uncomfortable, please skip.

He is in the dream world with Bat, but it is not Bat.  It is not Bat as He remembers her, all power and mercy.  This Bat is more vulnerable.  Her green mask is gone.  Instead, He can see her face.  Her eyes are green.  There is a smattering of dark spots over her nose and her cheeks. 

They lay together under the covers in a bed.  One glance and He can tell that she is not wearing clothing.  He knows that He is not either.  He does not know if that is Bad or not.  It does not feel that way.

She reaches for Him, cupping one hand on His cheek before bringing her face to His.  Her lips touch His.  Soon, they are lightly nipping and sucking.  It feels Good.  He wants more. 

Her hands roam down His back and to His hips.  He cannot see her hands under the covers, but He can feel His brain tingling.  He wants.  He can feel the wanting deep inside Him, centering somewhere below the little hole in His belly. 

Soon, she is touching Him there and He arches into the contact, panting.  He arches, again and again, as His brain changes from tingling to buzzing.  Bat’s lips are still on His and, together with her touch, it is too much.  Too much. 

He does not want to stop.  His hands roam over her, touching her like she touches Him.  His body ripples and His brain buzzes. 

With a soft moan, His brain explodes into bliss.

“Oh my god, really?”


	16. Chapter 16

His eyes snap open.  He is staring at a pair of shoes.  He glances upward into the face of Angry Nurse. 

“Really,” Angry Nurse continues, rolling his eyes. “Ten minutes.  You honestly couldn’t do this in about ten minutes.”

Do what?  His brain is still fuzzy, but humming from the dream He was having.  He knows it was a dream.  Bat has not come to see Him since he woke.  He wonders what is keeping her. 

His underwear feels wet, and for a moment He thinks He has been Bad again.  He reaches under the real covers and puts His hand inside His underwear.  It does not smell like urine.  Pulling His hand out, He notices that it is covered in a whitish slime.  It smells funny. 

He knows what it is.  He knows He knows what it is.  Why isn’t the word coming to Him?  Why do the words always leave Him?

Why doesn’t He know?

He puts His hand up to His nose to examine the slime better. 

“Ooh, no, no, no, don’t put it in your mouth,” whines Angry Nurse.  He does not like Angry Nurse.  Angry Nurse always grips Him too tightly, especially when He wakes in the middle of the night.  Angry Nurse always whines and complains and rolls his eyes. 

He does not like Angry Nurse.  Not one bit. 

Angry Nurse grabs His wrist.  His grip is still too tight.  It’s starting to hurt.  “Come on, you.  Shower time for spastic.  Let’s go.”

He does not want a shower.  It is not time for the shower.  The little paper on the wall says it is not time for a shower.  He knows His little paper.  The Nurse with the Flowers explained His paper and all of the steps on it.  He looks at the clock, and looks around Angry Nurse to the paper. 

Nope.  Not shower time.  It should still be sleep time.  It will be awake time soon.  He can see that. 

Awake.  Shower.  Shave.  Brush teeth.  Day clothes.  Eat.  Exercises.  J’onn Time.  Short sleep.  Eat.  Exercises, again.  Short sleep.  Something called occupational therapy, which is more but different Exercises. J’onn Time, again.  Drawing time.  Eat.  Bat Man Time.  Sweets time.  Brush teeth.  Wash face. Night clothes.  Stories.  Sleep time. 

He knows his paper.  He knows it well.

Angry Nurse is trying to pull Him to His feet.  “Come on,” he says, frustrated.

He growls at Angry Nurse.

“Don’t fucking growl at me.  I’m not the one who jizzed all over himself.  Come on, shower time.”

He bites Angry Nurse on his arm.  Angry Nurse curses just as The Nurse with the Flowers enters the room.  “About goddamn time,” Angry Nurse snarls.  “Congratulations, he’s your problem now.”

The Nurse with the Flowers glares at Angry Nurse.  “Excuse me?”

“He jizzed all over himself this morning and he bit me.  You handle it.  My shift is officially over.”  Angry Nurse stalks out of the room.

He should feel bad about biting Angry Nurse.  He doesn’t.  For some reason, Angry Nurse’s reaction to His dream makes Him think that He has done something Bad. 

The Nurse with the Flowers is His favorite nurse.  Every day, she comes in with flowers in her hair.  The flowers are always different.  They smell nice.  She is not like Perky Nurse, who uses sing-song tones and a high-pitched voice like He’s a child.  She talks to Him like the Bat Man does. 

He appreciates that. 

“What happened, Nightwing?” The Nurse with the Flowers asks calmly as she kneels beside Him.  He feels embarrassed, now.  She knows that He does not like to speak, but she tries to get Him to talk.  “Hm?  Can you show me what happened?”

His face feels hot as He draws back the covers and shows her His hand.  He is expecting her to yell at Him.  She does not.

“Ok, so you had a wet dream.  That’s normal.  Embarrassing when you get caught, yeah, but normal.”

Wet dream.  He remembers being smaller and the Bat Man telling Him about such things.  Girls.  Boys.  Condoms.  Sex.  It was awkward for both of them.  He smiles slightly; he remembered something!  All on his own!

“I know it’s not shower time, yet.  But we need to get you cleaned up.  Otherwise, this is going to get very uncomfortable, very quickly.”  The Nurse with the Flowers stands and extends her hand.  He takes it and gets up.  “Next time that this happens, walk into the bathroom.  Put some water on your washrag and wipe yourself off.  Put the washrag and your underwear in the dirty clothes hamper.  Do you remember where the hamper is?”

 He nods.  “Good,” she continues, “I’ll make sure that you have some fresh underwear just in case.”  She smiles.  “This happens to everyone.  I’m sorry for Martin’s reaction.  He should not have said what he did.  I know we’re early, but let’s take our shower now to get cleaned up.  We’ll get back on schedule after breakfast, ok?”

He likes the Nurse with the Flowers.


	17. Chapter 17

It has not been a good week.

Everything is wrong.  Wrong, wrong, wrong.  The Nurse with the Flowers is supposed to be there when He wakes up, but now she is there when He goes to sleep.  Angry Nurse should be there when He sleeps, but is now there when He wakes.  He has not seen Bat and Bird in many, many wakings.  The Bat Man has not been by to see Him in several days.  He does not know if they are safe.

They may have forgotten Him.

Now, Angry Nurse wants to stick Him with _needles_ and gets angrier when He fights back. 

He does not want needles.  He does not want examinations.

He wants to go Home. 

He is never going Home. 

He is going to be trapped in this bright room forever. 

Maybe He never left Apokolips.  Maybe this is a new game that the Master wants to play:  get him weak, compliant, before experimenting on Him.  Make Him think that He is safe and then forever destroy what little He was able to save. 

He worked so hard to save Bat and Bird. 

He remembers the agony of His mind tearing apart.  The panic as His memories were stripped from Him, one after the other.  The Master’s voice filling in the gaps, demanding loyalty to Darkseid, creating a false sense of peace and purpose. In desperation, He forced His memories of His life Before far, far into the back of His mind.  He can still feel the holes where they were.  He can’t risk finding them again. 

He can’t keep fighting.

Angry Nurse is shoving food in front of His face.  He does not want to eat.  There is no point.  Why build up His strength if they are going to torture Him anyway?  Why fix Him when they will break Him again?

He sweeps His hand across the table and sends the plate clattering to the floor.  Food flies everywhere.  Angry Nurse is furious and begins yelling.

He does not care anymore. 

This is the fourth day that He has refused to eat.  His stomach rumbles and complains from the lack of food.  He knows hunger.  He can handle hunger.  He has been hungry, starving, before.  He ate what He had to in order to survive.  He will not succumb again. 

The noise brings other Nurses who begin cleaning up the mess.  He sits on the bed, unmoving, watching them work. 

These people are going to kill Him eventually. 

He would rather starve than become a monster. 

It’s not like anyone will miss Him.  He is alone. 

The Bat Man.  J’onn.  They will abandon Him, if they have not done so already. 

Once the food is cleaned up and the nurses are gone, He crawls back into His nest of blankets on the floor. 

He surrenders. 


	18. Chapter 18

The clock on the wall ticks.  Tick.  Tick.  Tick.

Laying in His nest of blankets, He watches the clock.  He is vaguely aware of nurses putting food in front of Him.  It smells wonderful.  He should eat it.

He doesn’t.

After a while, the food disappears.  The clock ticks.

More food is placed in front of His face.  After a while, it also disappears. 

Tick.  Tick.  Tick. 

He knows that He should eat.  He knows that He should be going to his exercises.  He knows His schedule. 

He does not want to follow His schedule anymore.  It is a lie.  Soon, they will drop this pretense and the torture will begin.  They cannot stay kind forever.  He wishes that they would tell him how long He has to live. 

They don’t tell him anything.

He rises from His nest to get some water.  He will savor the water, so clean and clear and cool.  That will be taken from Him, too.  If He had to choose between dying of hunger or thirst, He’ll take hunger.  Thirst is far more painful. 

He returns to His nest and sips the water slowly, letting it wash over His tongue. 

There is someone at the door.  He cannot see the door from where He is, but He knows that it is probably a nurse.  They are going to try and drag Him away again. 

“Nightwing?”

He frowns.  It’s not a nurse.  It is the Bat Man.

Bat Man has come back?  Bat Man is here? 

Bat Man enters the room.  “I’m sorry I haven’t been here in a few days,” he says as he sits in the chair.  “There was an emergency in Gotham.  I sent word, but,” he sighs.  “The nurses didn’t tell you, did they?”

He shakes His head.  His heart skips.  Bat Man did not forget about Him!  Bat Man did not abandon Him!  He is so happy, He could cry. 

Maybe… maybe He was wrong.  Hope blooms in His chest.  He holds up five fingers. 

“I know,” the Bat Man says sadly.  “I know I was gone for five days.  I’m sorry.  As I said:  I asked the nurses to tell you that I was delayed.  I should have made sure, but my attention was focused on the crisis, I didn’t think about how you would take it.”

He thinks about that.  It must have been serious.  The Bat Man is Strong and Good.  He should have had more faith in the Bat. 

“Do you forgive me?” Bat Man asks. 

He nods.  Bat Man smiles.  “I brought someone to see you.  He has been asking about you.” He calls out, “Come in, please.”

It can’t be. 


	19. Chapter 19

Bird is standing in the door.  No, not Bird.  Robin.  Damian.  Brother-friend.  He looks to Bat Man for confirmation.  Bat Man nods. 

“Hello, Grayson,” says Damian. 

He rises from His nest and walks toward Damian.  He sinks to His knees to see his face.  His hand touches Damian’s cheek, then shoulders.  It is him.  It is really him. 

Bat Man rises from his chair.  “Robin, if you need me, I’ll be right outside.”  Bat Man leaves, and it is the two of them. 

He pulls Bird – Damian – into a hug.  He savors the warm weight of the young boy.  He touches Damian’s face again.  It feels slightly cold. 

That will not do. 

He pulls Damian into His nest.  Damian squawks in surprise.  He drapes his warmest blanket over Damian’s shoulders then rushes to the bathroom to get Bird – _Damian, his name is Damian.  You know this.  Get it right!_ – some water.  He has to use the cup that He uses when He brushes his teeth.  He had already drunk out of the one the nurses left behind.

Kneeling beside the younger boy, He raises the cup to Damian’s mouth.  He nods, encouraging the boy to drink.  Damian drinks.  When the cup is empty, He fills it again.  Damian should not be thirsty.  He has to take care of his Bird, his Damian. 

His Bird was safe.  Safe this whole time.  Bat Man must have taken care of him.  He will have to thank the Bat Man for that.  He cannot survive without His Bird. 

That means Bat must be safe, too. 

For the first time in a long time, He dares to Hope. 

Damian drank half of the second glass before setting it to the side.  He pulls Damian into His lap and wraps one blanket around both of their shoulders.  He takes another and wraps it around their legs.  Here, they will be safe and warm.  He will keep Damian safe here. 

They sit together in silence.  He buries His nose into Damian’s hair, inhaling the scent of his shampoo.  His chest is full to bursting.  He starts rocking them.  Damian takes His hands. 

“I cleaned your room,” Damian says suddenly.  “Well… Alfred and I cleaned your room.  There’s fresh linen on the bed, and all of your clothes are washed so they won’t smell musty when you come home.”  Damian sighs.  “I heard the nurses.  They said… they said that you were not eating.”

He grunts in the affirmative. 

“Why?”

This is Damian.  This is Bird.  He can talk to Bird-Damian.  He can say the truth and Damian will not punish Him.  He has not spoken in a long time.  He knows how, but the words feel strange in His mouth.  Damian knows what He did.  Damian was there.  “Thought,” he chokes softly, “Thought… not real.  Nah safe.  ‘Sperim’nts.  Tor-trr.”  He pulls Damian closer. 

“You were scared?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Grayson… you… you’ve been here for a month.  Have they hurt you before now?”

“No,” he whispers.

“So why would they do it now?”

This is why He misses Bird.  Bird is smart.  Bird sees the truth when He can’t. 

Angry Nurse enters the room.  “Hey buddy,” he says with a false smile.  “Dinner time.”

He growls faintly and pulls Damian closer.  He will not let this lying, tricky nurse anywhere near His Bird. 

“Ok, then,” says Angry Nurse, “I’m just going to leave this here.”  He places the plate on the floor and backs out of the room slowly. 

Once Angry Nurse left, Damian asks, “You don’t like him, do you?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“He seems like a tool,” Damian remarks.  That makes Him smile. 

Damian leaves the blankets and crawls towards the plate of food.  He looks at it.  “Well,” he determines, “I must admit:  this food does not look as bad as I thought it would.”  He picks up the fork and takes a bit.  “The flavor leaves much to be desired.  I suppose we will have to retrain your palate once you get home.”  Damian looks at Him.  “You have to eat, you know.  You have to build up your strength.  If you don’t eat, Doctor Mid-Nite can’t sign off on your release.  Batman was hoping that you’d be home this week.”

He frowns.  Bat Man never told him that.  No one told Him that.  Why didn’t anyone tell Him that?  If He had known, He would not have lost Hope so easily. 

He is now angry at the nurses and at Bat Man.  He is not an idiot.  He understands time.  He crawls towards the plate of food and sits down beside it.  He takes the fork from Damian and takes a bite of the food. 

At the first bite, His stomach rolls.  Damian continues to stare at Him, expectantly.  He will eat, if only to make His Bird happy.  He wants to go Home and be with His Bird all the time.  He finishes the plate, despite His stomach’s protests. 

Once the plate is finished, Damian puts it onto the top of the table.  He pulls Damian back into His nest.  Damian continues to talk to Him about many things:  school, his friends, patrol.  He smiles when Damian tells him about a new girl who, according to Damian, has been attempting to challenge his intellectual dominance.  Some of those words make sense to Him.  He’ll think about it and figure it out later. 

Bat Man comes back into the room and sits in the chair.  “Robin… it’s time to go.”

Go?  They are going to leave?  As Damian tries to rise, He clings tighter.

Bat Man’s face falls.  “Nightwing… Dick... please let him go,” he says softly.

He doesn’t want to let His Bird go.  He whines.

“We can come back.  I can bring Robin back later this week, ok?  He has school, so I can’t bring him every day.  But I can bring him on Saturday.  Would you like that?”

He nods.  As long as He can see His Bird, He is happy.  He wants to see Bat, too.  For now, this is enough.  He releases Damian.  Damian rises as Bat Man gets out of the chair.  He pulls the blankets around Him. 

“Goodbye, Grayson,” says Damian softly.  The pair leave quietly. 

He pulls His knees to His chest.  He allows Himself to smile.  This place, this bright shiny place is real.  It is not a trick of the Master.  If He is Good, soon He will be Home. 

He can do that. 


	20. Chapter 20

“Let’s go to the arcade, hm?”

Damian turned and looked at his father.  They were in the locker room in the Batcave.  Damian had just removed his tunic and begun putting back on his school uniform when his father spoke.  His father stood, shirtless, pulling on a pair of jeans.  “There’s no point in taking you back to school,” he continued as he pulled on a button-down shirt.  “Let’s go to the arcade.  Just you and me.  We’ll be back in time for dinner.”  His father turned and looked at him.  “Sound good?”

Damian nodded wordlessly.  He ran upstairs to his room and put on a t-shirt and jeans.  The pair got in the car, and began the drive to Damian’s favorite arcade.  Damian watched as the scenery flew by.  At one point, a robin flew by the car.  It made Damian sad, watching it fly so freely.   

“Is he always like that?” Damian asked, breaking the silence.

His father sighed.  “No.  But today was a good day.  Today was a very good day,” he amended quickly.

“What is he like on his bad days?”

“Damian,” his father began wearily. 

“I need to know, Father.  We all do.  For when he comes home.”  Damian turned away from the window to look at his father.  His father looked exhausted. 

He sighed.  “He’ll hide when he’s scared.  He’s attacked the nurses.  He’s attacked me.”  His father swallowed.  “He doesn’t talk.  I don’t… know if he can or if he chooses not to.  I don’t know how… how much he remembers.  Of us.  What he’s hidden or… what was destroyed when Darkseid tortured him.”  His father frowned. 

“He remembered me,” Damian remarked hopefully.

“Yeah,” his father whispered, “yeah, he did.”

“He talked to me,” said Damian.  “Not well, but he can talk.”

“That’s,” his father hesitated, “Good.  I’m glad he talked to you.  I know he misses you.”

They got off of the freeway and entered Gotham.  Damian watched pedestrians hurry along the sidewalk.  A bike messenger stopped and checked his pack.  A woman pushed a stroller with two children bundled in winter clothing.  It was still bitterly cold for late February. 

As they approached Damian’s favorite arcade, Damian broke the silence again.  “When do you think he’s coming home?”

His father looked backwards as he parallel parked.  He opened his mouth and closed it again.  He shifted the car into park and turned to his son.  “Damian,” he began slowly, “I’m not… I don’t know if Dick will be able to come home.”

Damian frowned.  “You promised him that he would.”

His father winced.  “I know.  I know I did.  But… he’s still not well.  I don’t know if we’ll be able to give him the care that he needs.”

Damian scowled.  “You want to put him in Arkham.”

“Damian –”

“They’ll eat him alive in there, Father!”

“You think I don’t know that?” his father snapped.  He closed his eyes and turned towards the steering wheel, taking deep breaths. 

Damian sat stunned.  His father looked close to tears.  It had never occurred to Damian how difficult this whole process must have been for his father. 

Dick was right.  Damian was incredibly selfish.  His father never talked about his visits with Dick, only providing general updates to the rest of the family.  He had assumed that everything was ok.  His father had been shielding his family from the worst, allowing them to remember Dick as he was. 

He unbuckled his seat-belt and crawled over the gear shift.  He embraced his father.  “I’m sorry,” he muttered into his father’s shoulder.  “I know you’re doing the best you can.  I miss him, too.”

His father sniffed and clung to his son.  The pair held each other in silence.  “I love you,” his father muttered into his hair.  “I know I don’t say that enough, but I do.”

“I know.  I love you, too,” Damian replied as he pulled away. 

His father quickly wiped his face before breaking into a forced smile.  “Alright, teach me how to play Cheese Wizards or whatever it is.”

Damian rolled his eyes.  “It’s Cheese _Vikings_.”

His father unbuckled his seat-belt and opened the door.  Damian got out of the passenger’s side, and met his father on the curb.  “That makes no sense,” his father argued.  “It should be Cheese Wizards.”

“Why?”

“You know… because of cheese wiz.”  At Damian’s puzzled look, his father added, “You know, the bright orange cheese spread that comes out of a can?”

“Just when I think American culture cannot sink to a new low.”

“Hey, don’t knock it!  It’s not that bad,” his father continued as they entered the arcade. 

“An absolute travesty.  Father, you will negatively affect my esteem for you if you continue to defend this abomination.” 

His father rolled his eyes as Damian made a beeline for _Cheese Vikings 3:  Brie Afraid_. 

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, to whoever pointed out that I accidentally posted Chapter 20 twice: Thank you!!! I forgot that I had already posted it. Since I have a habit of writing chapters out of order, sometimes I forget what I posted and what I did not. This is the correct chapter. 
> 
> If you commented on that chapter, please forgive me for the error. You can repost your comments on Chapter 20, since it is the same thing. I enjoy reading comments. If something's not clear or needs to be edited, please let me know.

Today is the day.  Today, He will get His answers.  He will make the Bat Man give Him answers, and will stop the Bat Man from leaving until he does. 

He stares into the mirror.  The image staring back at Him is familiar, but different.  The hair is shorter.  The face is gaunter.  There are dark circles under His eyes.  It is still Him, though.  The eyes, the hair, the face; all belong to Him and to Him alone. 

He never saw what He looked like as a Parademon.  He did not have to.  Parademons all look the same.  It is their faces that haunt Him in His sleep. 

He grips the bathroom counter, taking a deep breath.  He exhales slowly to calm Himself.  Once.  Twice.  Thrice. 

_This could go horribly wrong,_ Desaad’s voice whispers in his head.

_I have a right to know_ , he counters.  _I have worked hard to get where I am now.  I’m not an idiot or a child.  I deserve to know what’s going to happen to me._

_The Batman will punish you,_ hisses Desaad.  _He does not allow disobedience.  You remember what happened the last time._

He closes His eyes and winces as He remembers Bat Man backhanding His face.  He remembers the feeling of Bat Man’s boots in His ribs. 

_That… that was different.  I was different.  He was testing me, making sure I was ready for… Spyral._   He opens His eyes and smirks at the mirror.  _He will not lay a hand on me.  Not this time._

_You keep thinking that, pet.  You know what happens to those who disobey their masters._

He shakes His head and resumes His steady breathing.  He will not scratch.  He will not give in to that urge.  Not today. 

He fills His lungs with air.  He stares at His mouth.  It’s been so long since He spoke in anything louder than a whisper.  The words are in His mind, but getting them to His mouth is the challenge.  He will do it today.  Today, He will speak.

“Whh,” He stops to collect Himself, ignoring the way His body shakes.  He remembers the woman who yelled her hatred for Darkseid just before she hanged.  She spoke without fear.  He used to be fearless.  No, not fearless.  Not really.  He used to be able to master His fear.  If that dying woman could do it – could use her last breath to say what everyone knew to be true – then he could say five lousy words. 

_When can I go home?_

“Whhnnn.”  No, that’s not right.  It should not take an entire breath to say one damn word.  He stares in the mirror to make sure that His mouth is moving correctly.  “Whhhen.”  Better.  Not good, but better. 

He tries again.  “Whhen c’n.”  Vowels.  He needs to work on vowels.  “Whhnn.”  His fists clench.  He turns and punches the wall.  He sinks to the ground, running His fingers through His hair. 

This should not be this difficult.  Why is this so damn difficult?  He used to do this all the time.  He used to never _stop_ talking.  Now, the one time that He wants to say something, He cannot manage five measly little words. 

He wants to scream.  If He screams, the nurses will come running and that’s the last thing He wants.  He rests His elbows on His knees as He tries to get Himself under control.  Bat Man should be proud; He’s relearned how to self-soothe. 

The tiled floor is cold and white.  He stares at the floor and waits until He is calm again. 

“Whhen can I go ‘ome?”

He laughs.  He did it!  “When can I go home?” He repeats, each time going slightly faster.  “I wan’ to go ‘ome.”  Ten words.  He said ten words and nothing happened.  He is ready.  He can do this.  


	22. Chapter 22

“Ok, so this is the nurse’s station,” Naba Faizan motioned to the new nurse, Inoue Reika, as they walked around Nurse Inoue’s new post.  “Schedules are posted here and are emailed at the start of each month.  Just remember that the Watchtower runs on Greenwich Mean Time, so make sure that you know the time difference. 

“We’ve got charts on all Justice League members, including inactive members and associates filed over here.  The filing system’s a little weird here.  We’ve got the families grouped together on this part of the wall.  Families are not necessarily related, but they are superheroes who work closely together.  They’re color coded.  We’ve got the Arrow Family, the Bat Family, the Flash Family, the Marvel Family, and the Super Family.”  Nurse Faizan motioned to the chart wall. 

“The Arrow Family is manageable.  Green Arrow may try to get you to use some essential oils.  Just take them and don’t argue.  Arsenal – even though he’s not a Justice League member, he’s still here just in case – is not allowed any opioids under any circumstances.  He’s had a history with them. 

“The Flash Family is pretty chill.  They’ve got a quick healing factor, so they’re usually in and out.  Make sure you’ve got some sort of entertainment lined up.  I don’t know if it’s actually ADHD, but they get bored quickly. 

“Captain Marvel is allergic to penicillin.  Captain Marvel Jr. has a spinal injury – I know, he doesn’t look like it, but just keep that in mind when you’re treating him. 

“Superman’s biology is Kryptonian, so make sure that you consult his chart before giving any medication even if a doctor has signed off on it.  Superboy is basically a clone of Superman, so same thing.  J.K. is a kid, but he’s sweet.  His PCP is up here because of his unique biology.  He’s half Kryptonian, half human. 

“The Bat Family,” Nurse Faizan groaned, “Oh, boy.  If Batman wants to get out of bed against doctor’s orders, just let him go.  He will fight you every step of the way.  It’s just not worth it.  If it’s really bad, call Superman.  He’ll deal with it.  Red Robin has had a splenectomy, so make sure you double check his med combinations.  He will stay in bed as long as he is allowed to work on the computer.  Just make sure he gets coffee every morning.  Otherwise, he will get on your nerves.  Robin is just as bad as his dad, but if you call Batman, he’ll take care of it.  The girls are slightly more reasonable.  Batgirl is not allowed to be in an MRI machine due to her implant.  It helps her walk; she was paralyzed a few years ago. 

“All other heroes’ charts are listed alphabetically.  We’ve sorted them into three categories:  human, nonhuman, and special circumstances.  Special circumstances usually means that they’re human, but may have some mutation that affects the way meds work with them.  There are, like, four Green Lanterns.  We’ve put photographs on the front of their files to keep them all straight.  Watch out for this one,” she said as she pointed at Hal Jordan.  “He can be a jerk.  I know this is a lot of information.  When in doubt, consult the file.

“Most heroes are treated as out-patients.  You’ve started at a good time.  We’ve got three in-patients right now,” Nurse Faizan motioned to the main desk.  There were three files.  “Booster Gold has a broken arm.  He’s being kept here to prevent him from travelling back in time to try and avoid the injury in the first place.  We’ve confiscated his time travel equipment.  If he gives you grief, talk to Skeets – that’s his little robot friend.  He’s kind of like Booster Gold’s Jiminy Cricket. 

“Más has a concussion and two broken legs.  He’s from Guatemala, and can understand English but can't speak it.  So, you can wear this translator device when talking to him.”  Nurse Faizan motions to a two-inch long white pendant.  “He’s got the same translation device.  Put in the ear buds, and the pendant will translate his words into your chosen language.  You speak, and his pendant will translate for him.  It’s amazing!  Cyborg designed them.”  She motioned to her own neck.  “If you decide to stay, he may make a personalized one for you.  Anyway, his brother, Menos, is allowed full visitation.

“Finally, we have Nightwing,” Nurse Faizan sighed.  “He’s… a complicated case.  Severe PTSD, self-harm, and mutism.  Possible generalized amnesia.”

“Is he the one who was turned into a parademon?” asked Nurse Inoue.

“Yes.  From what I understand, Batman thinks his son has locked away all of his, like, normal memories and just can’t get back to them.  The Bats are pretty hardcore, so that wouldn’t surprise me if that’s exactly what’s happened.  I mean, his little brother – Robin – once saved his own life by moving his own internal organs.  His family is pretty insane. 

“On a good day, Nightwing will do exactly what you ask, exactly as you ask it, right after you ask it.  We’ve established an independent routine.  Just the basics:  waking up on a schedule, bathing on a schedule, eating on a schedule, that kind of thing.  He’s got occupational therapy once a day, physical therapy twice a day, and art therapy right before bedtime.  Ok, to be honest, it’s not really art therapy.  We just give him some markers and let him doodle in a notepad.  It seems to help a little bit.  He’s no artist, but his drawings are _dark_.  Keep them because Batman’s been examining them.  If he’s behaved himself, he can have ice cream with dinner and a story read to him right before bed.

“On his bad days… brace yourself.  Best case scenario, he’ll wedge himself in the closest small space and refuse to come out.  Worst case, he’ll physically attack you with whatever’s handy.  Be on your best behavior around him.  If you’re nice to him, he’s nice to you.  If it looks like he wants to kill you, tell me and I’ll take you off of his case.  Apparently, parademons are black-white thinkers.  Good or bad.  Friend or foe.  There’s no in-between.  If he thinks you want him dead, he will try to kill you before that happens.  Long story short, no sharp objects.  If you bring it in, take it out.”

“Is that,” Nurse Inoue asked timidly, “is that what happened to the other guy?”

“What?  No.  He was fired due to all the complaints against him.  He was getting too rough with the patients, especially Nightwing.  The last straw was when he left a knife in Nightwing’s room.  Tried to pin it on me, but we had security footage and were able to get it out before Nightwing saw it.  

At Nurse Inoue’s overwhelmed look, Nurse Faizan continued, “If it’s any consolation, Nightwing’s better than he used to be.  I’ve gotten him to smile once or twice.  He made this picture for me.”  She pointed at a picture of a stick-figure nurse-superhero.  “Like I said, he’s no artist.  He hasn’t tried to severely harm himself since Batman ordered him to stop.  He’ll nod or shake his head if you ask him a question.  Martian Manhunter’s been working with him and can get him to calm down if Batman’s unavailable.”

“Does Batman come around often?”  Nurse Inoue frowned.  She had seen patients whose families never came to visit them in her previous job. 

“Every day if he can.”  Nurse Faizan glanced side-eyed at Nurse Inoue.  “Look, these people… they volunteer to put themselves on the line defending us from every possible threat in the universe.  They’ve seen the worse that humanity and every other species in the universe has to offer.  What we do… it’s a mission all its own.  We may not be on the front lines, but we’re here to pick up the pieces.  This is not a job for the fainthearted.  Strap in, or get out.”


	23. Chapter 23

Bat Man is consistent in his schedule.  He always comes after the third meal.  He stays for exactly an hour.  Some days, he reads to Him.  Other days, they play games. 

Today will be different.  Today, they will talk.  He will make the Bat Man talk to Him.

Bat Man enters the room.  “Hello, Nightwing,” he says pleasantly.  “How do you do today?”  Bat Man carries a small box with hinges.  The top of the box has black and white squares in an alternating pattern.  Bat Man sits on the floor across from Him, and begins setting up the game.  Bat Man opens the box and pulls out the pieces.  He places a row of round-topped pieces in one row.  The row closes to Him gets pieces of different sizes and shapes. 

Chess.  This game is called Chess.  The horses are knights.  The teeth-topped pieces are castles.  He knows how to play.  He remembers. 

Bat Man makes the first move and waits. 

He picks up one piece and holds it for a moment.  The round-topped pieces – the pawns – can only move one space forward.  He moves one.

Back and forth.  Back and forth.  Bat Man moves.  He responds.  Pieces are captured and removed from the board.  The game gets harder as pieces are removed.  The game is making His head hurt.  He has not thought in this way in a long time. 

Bat Man wins, but it is a close game.  “Play again?” Bat Man asks.  He nods.  The game is reset, and this time He goes first. 

He wins the second game.  “Good,” Bat Man says.  He knows that Bat Man is not speaking to Him.  The Bat Man does that sometimes.  Bat Man packs up his game and stands to leave. 

Now is His chance.  He has practiced all day, and He will not let Bat Man leave without giving Him the information He wants. 

He stands, too.  He moves and blocks the door.  Bat Man tries to pass Him, and He pushes Bat Man back. 

Bat Man moves into a defensive stance.  “Dick?” he says warily.  “What is it?”

His mouth opens.  A strained groan escapes.  He tries again, looking at the floor. 

No.  No!  He did it earlier!  Why can’t He do it now? 

_Because you are stupid,_ the Master supplies, unhelpfully.  _You are stupid and weak and you know it._

He shakes His head.  He will not lose His temper.  Not today.  Not now. 

He tries again.

The words once again fail to make it from His head to His mouth.  Garbled nonsense comes from His mouth instead.  Embarrassed, He looks at the floor and sees His hands.

He remembers a dark-haired girl with all-seeing eyes sitting on a rooftop.  She smiles, and her hands dance.  His hands dance as well, responding to her movements.  She spoke without words. 

She spoke with her hands. 

He raises His hands and concentrates.  The movements come back to Him.  _When can I go home?_ He signs clumsily.

Bat Man is surprised.  He blinks, once, twice.  “What did you say?”

He signs it again.  _I want to go home.  When am I going home?_   He glares at the Bat Man.  _You don’t tell me anything.  Tell me.  Now._ The signing becomes easier as He continues to use it. 

Bat Man sighs, pursing his lips.  He moves toward the bed and removes his belt.  Rather than reaching for the outer pockets, he flips the belt over and reveals a hidden, inner pocket.  Reaching in, he pulls out a folded piece of paper.  The paper is unfolded onto the bedside table. 

_Do you know who they are?_ signs Bat Man.

The paper is a picture, well creased from wear.  Two girls are in the foreground.  One who looks like Bat is holding some kind of pole.  The other is wearing purple, and is flashing the first two fingers on one of her hands.  A young man with red wings is on the ground, laughing, with a girl in black standing next to him.  A young boy in red, green, and black is trying to run towards the laughing man, but is being held back by a blue and black figure.  The blue and black figure is dangling by his ankles from a lamppost.  In the background, the Bat Man is talking to a man with white hair and a tan trench coat. 

He stares at the picture.  He knows these faces.  He knows this day.  They had fought the Riddler.  It had been cold outside, and the puzzle had been easy to solve.  And then –

Damian had gotten into an argument with… Tim… and… Cassie had started laughing at Damian. 

He points at the boy on the ground.  One by one, he names them all.  Tim.  Cassie.  Damian.  Barbara.  Stephanie.  His hands tremble as he remembers how to spell them.  He moves to the figures in the back and pauses.  He knows who that is.  He doesn’t know how to sign the man’s title, so He settles.  _G-O-R-D-A-N._   He is not sure if that is correct, but it seems that way.

The Bat Man seems content with his answers.  _Him?_ Bat Man points at himself in the picture. 

_Bat, man,_ He signs.

_No,_ Bat Man responds.  _My name.  What is my name?_

Bat Man has a name?  Of course, Bat Man would have another name!  He looks at the photograph, wracking His brain for some hint, some clue about Bat Man’s name.

He remembers a man in a red helmet standing on train tracks, shouting, “Better luck next time –”

_Bruce.  Your name is Bruce._   He looks at Bat Man – at Bruce – and frowns.  _Why haven’t they come to see me?  Are they ok?_

Bat Man hangs his head before signing.  _They’ve been asking about you.  They miss you.  But your doctors and I thought it best for you to have a few visitors as possible.  We did not want to startle you._   

He thinks about that.  He feels slightly angry about not seeing His family, but He also remembers His first days awake.  Would He have trusted them, if they had come? 

He is startled as Bat Man – as Bruce – pulls Him close.  He tentatively wraps His arms around Bruce.  They hold each other for two heartbeats, four, six.  When Bat Man – when Bruce – pulls away, he smiles but there are traces of tears in his eyes.  He is still confused.  Crying means sadness, but smiling means happiness.  He will sort it out later.

“It will be a big change for you.  Alfred, Tim, Damian, and I will be around to help you adjust as much as possible.  Are you ready for that?  For a different schedule?”

Yes.  Yes, He is ready.  He nods vigorously.  Home.  Home, home, home.  He is ready to go Home. 

“Alright, then.  I’ll talk to your doctors and see if we can have you discharged on Friday.  We’ll talk with your doctors and work out a plan for your return home, ok?”

Friday.  Friday is two days away.  Two more sleeps.  He can wait that long. 

He is going Home!


End file.
